We Almost Bought A Penguin

You know those normal offices that are calm and orderly, where the work is routine and everyone stays in their cubicle? Well that's not where I work. My office is one tiny room with three normal size desks but that's the only normal about it. My hours are not normal (though I won't be complaining about showing up at 2pm), my clients are not normal (don't get mad if you're one of them), my work environment is not normal (there is a bottle of vodka on my desk to maintain sanity) and my boss is the least normal of all.

There was the office pet turtle (of the Thomas the Stupid Turtle saga) where I didn't think things could get any weirder...but then they did.

I made a sarcastic joke about buying a penguin to replace the turtle, but it became a lot less funny when my boss started doing serious research on how one can go about purchasing a penguin. He found a shady website with penguins available for purchase where they would give the animal a "subtle sedative" to slow their heart rate so they could be shipped via UPS without food for 5 days. I don't know if it's worse that this website actually exists or that my boss was seriously considering BUYING A PENGUIN! 

And just when I thought he had come to his senses, I show up to work only to discover that he had bought the one thing more random than a penguin: Seahorses. The man bought seahorses. And not just one, he bought two of them:

He also special-ordered salt water and fresh algae but when I suggested we buy a killer whale next, I was the weird one...